7 Ways To Use Small Talk to Build Relationships.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation whereby you find yourself with a group of people you just met, and you don’t know what to say? Does the fear of sounding stupid or saying the wrong thing make you keep silent in a gathering?  Does the fear of making the wrong impression keep you silent?  If the above scenario describes you, then do not lose hope. In this article, you will understand the art of the small talk.

To be an expert at small talk, here are 7 Tips to get you started:

1.  Use open questions: Open questions are questions that help you get information. They are a good conversation opener. Open questions are What, Why, Where, When, Who and How. Using these questions in conversations help you build gradually on the conversation. However be careful not to use them over so it doesn’t seem like you are over inquisitive or intruding on another person’s private space.

2.  Be a multi-topic person: In other to start small talk, you need to keep abreast of what is happening around you and in the world at large. You can get a lot of information from reading the newspaper, blogs and the internet. You can get information from watching TV or listening to radio. Be interested in everything. Your knowledge about events and happening can help you to start and maintain conversations.  Say for instance you find yourself in a conversation where you are not so informed; you can keep interest by saying something like “That’s interesting, tell me more” this allows you to listen and also learn from what others are saying.

3.  Ask for Advice: Research has shown that people like to talk about themselves and the experiences they have had – this makes them feel good. You can leverage this understanding and ask for advice, use this as an opportunity to learn something. Asking for help is an excellent way to start and maintain a conversation. I used this skill on my very first day in the university – I was not sure on what the registration process was, and I needed advice on what to do. I walked up to a lady (we are still friends to this day), and I asked for advice, which she gladly obliged.

4.  Listen more and talk less: As simple as this sound, this is one of the most difficult skills to master. To be great at small talk, you must learn to listen – listening involves paying attention to what the other person is saying – listen to understand as opposed to listening to respond – this shows the other person that you care about what they are saying. Listen for pointers towards what the other speaker is passionate about and build on their interests and passions to make interesting conversations.

5. Mind your body language: Your body language makes up about 60% of communication. What message are you passing across with your body? People can tell if you are interested in the conversation or if you are not. Body language signals include – eye contact, smiling, leaning forward, crossing your arms, arms at akimbo, and nodding. What signals are you giving – by not maintaining eye contact or having a frown might mean that you are uninterested in what the other party has to say

6.  Drop your phone: One of the greatest conversation killers is your phone. We may sometimes see our phone as an escape route to making conversation – instead of interacting with people we tend to transfer our nervousness to our phones by constantly fiddling with it. Leave your phone in your handbag or pocket during conversations so it does not distract you during discussions. If you are expecting a call, you can let the other party know.

7.  Give compliments: Another great way to start conversations with people is to give compliments. The compliments should be honest and true. That way the person will know that you are genuine not just because you need to start a conversation. Also, you can start conversations by finding common ground – in a matter of seconds; you may be able to tell what a person loves and build up the talk from that point.

Small talk is important because it can help you build business relationships, develop your networking skills, make friends, maintain relationships and get jobs.  Small talk can lead to real conversations, and it helps you put people at ease. Remember that you are still judged if you do not say anything.